Women & Men

THINK ABOUT THIS:

You walk into the living room and smile, then sit down with your man to watch a movie.  After a while, you happen to look over and notice that his face is all pinched and he’s staring into space.  You ask, “What’s the matter?” He replies, “Nothing.”  You smile and continue to watch the movie.  Again, you notice his 30-yard stare. You don’t want to say anything, but you can’t help it. “What are you thinking?” you ask, a question dreaded by every man on earth!

If he told you he was thinking about “nothing” when you asked, it could be true, but it also could be that he doesn’t want to “share” at that moment or get himself in trouble.  Most men will tell you that, for the most part, they don’t analyze their relationships or look for “signs” of how things are progressing in relationships the way women do.  They think about sex (with you), food, sex (with other women), sports, sex (with themselves), and sex!  Sometimes they just sit and let their minds wander and think about “nothing” (sex).  

One man told me, “If a man doesn’t want to answer you, he’s going to lie.”   He described a situation to better clarify his point.  “If a man was honest with a woman a week ago when she asked him if he liked her outfit -- and he said no and she got upset -- the next time she asks him, he’s going to lie to her because he doesn’t want a repeat of the last time.”  He added, “And women know the answers to the questions before they even ask!” 

What do women think about when their minds wander?  Unfortunately, women think less in terms of “what would please me to think about right now?” and more in terms of “what have I forgotten to worry about?”!  So don’t let your insecurities get the best of you, and don’t create problems where there are none.  Let him think about “nothing.”    You should think about “nothing” sometimes too!

5 Breakup Phrases: Words that [Could] Signal the End

These 5 little sentences can spell big trouble for your relationship

(according to www.boston.com posted on July 24, 2008)

If you’ve ever been blindsided by a breakup, it’s possible that you weren’t picking up the subtle and not-so-subtle clues that signaled the end. Some people are blessed with laser-sharp perception and can pick up on tiny nuances, while others need to have everything spelled out for them.

Chances are, you fall somewhere in between. You shouldn’t overanalyze every little thing your partner does and says, but when you feel that your relationship is in trouble, it’s time to pay attention.

1) “I Think We Need Space.”

Probably number one after “It’s not you, it’s me,” this phrase should not be ignored. Not necessarily the definitive end, space could mean temporarily lightening up but usually implies both physical and emotional separation. Time or distance can help clarify a specific situation – or force your dismissing darling out of mind. Either way, if your partner introduces the subject of separation, they obviously aren’t happy.

2) “I’ll Call You Later.”

Tone is everything with this statement. Accompanied by an exasperated sigh, later can mean “leave me alone.” The word later is pretty vague, which may lead you to reel from the possible meanings. Did they mean later today or later next week? When you’ve gone from seeing each other every day to a sudden cool off, your relationship is sinking. Maybe you have been too needy or your mate is busy and can’t communicate with you right now. Whatever the reason, don’t press it. They obviously don’t want to talk about it now, and forcing them to discuss the sudden chill may force them away for good.

3) “So-and-So Doesn’t Do That!”

If your sweetheart is comparing you to someone else or another relationship, it’s a bad sign. Whether it’s her first love or his doting mother who can do no wrong, comparisons undermine and belittle. It’s possible your partner is sabotaging your chances at a fresh start or is not quite over their previous paramour. This type of accusatory appraisal indicates that your mate believes your relationship doesn’t measure up. Don’t try to defend your potential, but do discuss your partner’s lingering loyalties.

4) “You’re a %*&^$#!!”

Throwing insults and name-calling are some of the biggest signs of disrespect in a relationship. When you’ve reached the point that you are trying to hurt your beloved’s feelings and get under their skin, your relationship is rotting. There is no justification, rationalization, or excuse for treating your partner this way. Of course, in heated situations, overreacting happens. However, there’s a difference between owning up to a slipup and blaming it on the other person.

5) Nothing

When you’ve stopped communicating altogether, it’s over and probably has been for some time. Regroup, cut your losses, and move on. You aren’t doing yourself or anyone else a service by clinging to a rebuffed relationship.

Just For The Men

Do you know anything about women?  How to make them feel good?  How to make them want to do things for you and support you?  How to love them in a way so that they won't want to leave you?   Well, I'm-a-gonna-tell-you how right now!

Listen.  Women appreciate a man who listens to them.  Sometimes offering comfort or advice -- or just plain sitting and listening.  Acknowledging another person's need to communicate is crucial. 

Support.  She has to know you're on her side.  No matter what color her hair comes out after a day at the salon, try to support her choice to try something new.  If the salesgirl at the mall is rude to her, let her know you've got her back.  If she wants to go return to school or start a new business, ask her the details and find out how you can help.  Act like you're a team.

Compliment and Show Interest.  Tell her often that you think she's beautiful.  Make sure she knows you appreciate having her in your life.  Make a big deal out of her job promotion.  Ask her how her dentist appointment went.  These little things mean a lot.

Discover Things Together.   Make sure you include her in a new hobby or invite her to join you to watch an interesting educational special on television.  As you learn and grow together, you will always go in the same direction, and she will always feel important to you.

Communicate.  Tell her what's going on in your life.  Talk to her about your hopes and dreams.  Share stories from your youth and make her laugh.  And always tell her you love her.

Always Be Respectful.  Even if you're mad as hell, don't call her that word.  Don't talk about sensitive topics in front of others.  When you're arguing, don't go for the jugular, and NEVER EVER get physically abusive.  No matter what happens, never say or do anything that you'll regret later. 

Be Strong.  Be as sweet as you can be, but also demonstrate integrity and strength.  Never let her boss you around, or take you for granted, or disrespect you.  Women don't like wishy-washy men and they like the chase just as much as the men do!

Like I always say, what you give out, you get back.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING TO NEVER, NEVER, EVER SAY TO A WOMAN: "You're just doing this because you have your period."

HOW WE SEE OURSELVES

Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Health-Related Behaviors

Among Male and Female First Year College Students

Journal of College Student Development,  Nov/Dec 2005  by Lowery, Sarah E, 

Kurpius, Sharon E Robinson,  Befort, Christie,  Blanks, Elva Hull,  Et al

In this study, "Self-esteem was consistently related to body image dissatisfaction for women, and women consistently exhibited a more negative body image than did men. Even when both men and women were consistent exercisers, the women had poorer body image. Finally, for both men and women, more positive physical fitness/health-related behaviors were positively related to self-esteem and body image.

The term “body image” has been described as "the picture of our own body which we form in our mind ... it is] the way in which the body appears to ourselves." More recently, the term body image has been used to reflect one's ability to regard parts of one's body as belonging to the self or to define the boundaries of one's own body and one's subjective, mental representation of his or her physical appearance. Body image is constructed from self-observation, the reactions of others, and a complicated interaction of attitudes, emotions, memories, fantasies, and experience, both conscious and unconscious.

While there are various conceptualizations of body image, few would deny its importance and its link to well being. Research data indicate that body image dissatisfaction, often called body image disturbance has become more prevalent since the 1980s and has been associated with incidences of depression heightened anxiety, and lowered self-esteem, as well as the development of maladaptive eating behaviors and dieting.

Dissatisfaction with one's body has become "a normative discontent" in today's culture and is closely related to a drive for thinness. The inability to shed unwanted pounds can have a drastic effect on overall mood and self-confidence. Body image dissatisfaction, weight concerns, eating problems, and physical attractiveness have become especially significant issues on college campuses, with up to 90% of college students reporting that they worry about body image.

Another variable that needs to be considered is self-esteem, defined as liking and respecting oneself. According to researchers, domain-specific self-esteem, or elements of self-esteem related to different self-perceptions, explains behavior. Researchers suggested that physical self-worth is a component of self-esteem that relates to constructs such as perceived sport competence, physical condition, attractiveness, and weight concern. As an aspect of physical self-worth, body image dissatisfaction is related to global self-esteem. Indeed, the association between body image dissatisfaction and self-esteem has been well established."