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The Accidental Expert!

You would think that loving someone would come naturally, right? You would expect that we would all be born with the right “tools” to get the job done, especially since we were, theoretically, conceived from the act of love. Unfortunately, wanting or intending to love your man and yourself is one thing, but knowing how is quite another.

The truth is love does not have to be a nightmare. It does not have to cause anxiety or nervous tics. It can be worthwhile and rewarding. Yes, you read that correctly. There can be peace and love between men and women. Now I understand why you may be a non-believer -- but read on.

I am an ordinary woman just like you. I am forty-&$#% years old. Growing up, almost every marriage around me either ended in divorce or was extremely dysfunctional. I had no example of a healthy, happy relationship between a man and a woman to guide me.

As a young woman, I had my share of experiences -- good and bad. For years, my loser magnet was in perfect working order and able to reach far and wide. Like you, I’ve agonized over the stupid mistakes I made in relationships (like being too clingy or too judgmental). I’ve been overly critical of myself and tried so hard to be the perfect woman for everyone in my life. I’ve fallen hard for the bad boys, ignored the nice ones and have mourned the loss of many a dickhead boyfriend! I finally asked myself, what was I doing wrong? Would true love never find me? Was it really possible to have a relationship with a man who would be as good to me as I was to him? Or to find someone who really understood me (and loved me anyway)? Was I even worthy of love? Nowhere did I find the answers I needed. I felt as though I was roaming around in the dark. Finally, after years of listening to everyone around me complain about their painful, unfulfilling relationships, I decided to stop this unproductive cycle of despair and disappointment, and find the answers to the questions myself.

Are Our Young Women In Trouble?

Today's Illusionary Icons

by Audrey Valeriani

My generation grew up watching Mary Tyler Moore proudly hold her own in the boorish business world, Edith innocently defy Archie’s intolerance, and Maude argue for social reform. We read about the “women’s movement” in Cosmopolitan magazine, while Cher broke new ground with her unabashed sexuality. Over the years, the struggles of our older sisters made it possible for us to open doors, to attain more than they had, to soar. As we grew up, we dreamed of meeting our Prince Charming, but we also envisioned working in the city or becoming a doctor or a lawyer. Indeed, over the years we made important strides in our quest for equality with men in business and in society, but what about in relationships?

Science tells us that women’s domesticity and nurturing qualities are instinctive, however, we also learned ways of thinking and interacting with others from our mothers, who had, of course, learned from their mothers. But what had we learned? Thirty years ago, most of us saw our mothers cater to our fathers, while dismissing their own ideas, and neglecting themselves. They did what was expected of them, but were they happy? As one woman said, “I’ll never forget that look on my mother’s face… she couldn’t have been happy.” We told ourselves that things would be different in our relationships, and they are, to some extent. But had the freedom and independence that had finally bubbled to the surface made us wiser and more connected to our inner selves, or did it just give us more outside choices? Had those achievements influenced our roles as loving and lovable companions?

In discussing this subject with women as young as thirteen and as old as never mind, I could see that the older women who had been influenced by our pioneer sisters, knew how important individuality and respect were to women. The younger ones, however, seemed to demonstrate the same self-effacing behavior as in years past, putting the needs and desires of men ahead of their own. This new breed of female seemed unprepared, naïve, and oblivious to what women before us had accomplished. Accordingly, if how we think and behave is a result of what we were taught and exposed to as children, what does that tell us about girls growing up today?

Have you noticed how obsessed most young women appear to be with having the best body, face, and hairstyle? Why is physical “perfection” such a priority today? Could it be the dozens of makeover and plastic surgery shows on television or the constant marketing of products consuming the airwaves and billboards, luring our young women with false promises of happiness and everlasting love, and almost hypnotizing them into buying their magical potions and gadgets -- look like your favorite movie star, and have a wonderful life! Those kinds of deceitful messages are shameful and potentially harmful to women who try futilely to reach the media’s ideal archetype. Our young women need to believe that they don’t have to look, think, or behave like the rich and famous, or do what the so-called “trendsetters” dictate just so advertisers and retailers can make a buck.

I am also concerned that a lot of girls feel they need to have a man (actually, a boy) in their lives in order to feel complete. Part of the reason is age -- the dawn of hormones -- but could it also be a result of reality shows where a dozen women compete for one man by using any means necessary? These shows have turned meeting and winning the heart of a man (a/k/a “falling in love”) into a spectator-driven, cut-throat event featuring ruthless women who act as if men were almost extinct!

Now, I admit that as young girls we wanted to have boyfriends and we wore makeup (remember that black eyeliner and blue eye shadow?), but I also remember that all of that was just a part of our lives as budding young women. We were also curious about the world, about finding out who we were, and what we would become.

One reason for the somewhat distorted thinking of young women today could be that the world around them is not teaching them about integrity, confidence, or self-esteem. Parents today work really hard and can only hope that their children will listen to their words of wisdom and experience. It’s a losing battle when young women are then bombarded by self-serving, deceptive messages emanating from the media around them.

Please know that when I state my case I am not advocating censorship here. Nor am I in favor of producing a class of male-hating women -- far from it. I am talking about taking responsibility for teaching our young people the difference between what is true and appropriate for them in real life, and what is put out there for “shock value” and entertainment purposes. We need to spread the word to our young women that they have a choice not to be that woman in the video dancing half naked and that they will still get a boyfriend (and one of better quality). We have to tell them that it’s okay to refrain from using (and listening to) offensive and disgusting language, and that Britney and Christina are dressed like that because they are on stage (not in a classroom), and that yes, blow jobs are sex!

We have to teach our little sisters how to be comfortable in their own skin by shouting Be kind to yourself! Don’t obsess about your looks or berate yourself because you’re not model-thin. As women, we are our harshest critics and hold ourselves to ridiculous standards. Be independent! Don’t just say, “Wouldn’t it be nice to…” Do it! Set limits! Don’t let anyone mistreat you -- stand up for yourself and keep your word. Express your appreciation! When we embrace gratitude and humility, even more goodness and love comes to us. Listen to your inner voice! Don’t be someone who jumps to conclusions, but if you have that “feeling” deep down, don’t ignore it -- trust your instincts. Believe in yourself! Decide what you want, go after it whole-heartedly, and stay committed. Let ‘em see your joy! Joy comes through in our smiles and our eyes, and enables us to attract even more love into our lives. Remember, what you give out, you get back.

Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted ™

How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love

CLICK HERE NOW!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Contact: Erin MacDonald

856-489-8654 x302

erin@smithpublicity.com

Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted:

How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love

Audrey Valeriani

A ‘GIRLFRIEND’S’ GUIDE TO BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM

AND IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS

Can you guess what is the Real cause of your personal problems?

All women have been there. The point in their lives where they are not sure things can get any worse than they are. Whether a bad breakup, family problems, a lost job, or a rough time in general, one relationship expert says that bad experiences all boil down to one simple thing that most women don’t even realize shapes their lives – self-esteem. And we all need that one girlfriend, who can pick us up by our high heels and give us that killer advice we all know is out there but can’t get our hands on…until now.

Meet Audrey Valeriani, author, columnist, relationship expert and coach and author of the holy grail for women, Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love.

Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted provides readers with the keys to attaining high self-esteem. The book helps readers examine and improve their personal relationships by teaching new ways of thinking, communicating, and behaving that will enable them to lead rewarding lives and attract and maintain loving relationships.

“It is based on the belief that self-esteem is the foundation for success in life,” Valeriani explains. “How a woman feels about herself has everything to do with the choices she’ll make throughout her lifetime. And since most of us struggle with our self-image, my book will appeal to women age 18-80 from all walks of life, any education level and any profession.”

Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted is full of “straight” talk and amusing anecdotes from someone who has come from the depths of despair to triumph and now shares secrets for living life to the fullest. It is based on Valeriani’s one-on-one coaching sessions, research, surveys, and interviews and is inspired by her real life experiences. In an endearing girlfriend-to-girlfriend style she speaks to her readers with a no holds barred approach and trademark honest and straightforward dialogue. The book provides readers with an intimate look at how to improve their lives and have physically and emotionally fulfilling relationships, all based around the simple concept of tapping into their own power and improving self-esteem. It’s a strong message with simple and unique solutions.

Some of the topics Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted explores include:

· How to evaluate and improve your self-esteem

· The dos and don’ts of dating

· Men and women in relationships

· How to be single and happy

· Women’s health, nutrition and exercise

· Men and women and sex

· And so much more…

“My book is chock full of insight and humor,” Valeriani explains, “as I candidly share pieces of my journey back from hopelessness and reveal what inspired me to take control of my life. I am convinced that with a little self-examination and some minor, positive mental adjustment readers will be rewarded with a new found understanding of women and men, a more peaceful and confident attitude and probably the highest level of self-esteem in their lives.”

Audrey Valeriani grew up in Boston the youngest of three girls in a working class, Italian-catholic family. After graduating from high school, she entered the working world and held a number of jobs – waitress, bartender, insurance file clerk, switchboard operator, sandwich maker, personal assistant, oil company sales assistant, and legal assistant. She is the author of two other books, Simple Ways to a Woman’s Heart: Movie Star Maneuvers That Will Take Her Breath Away! and It’s Not Easy Being Me! Random Thoughts of the Modern Woman. She is currently a columnist, freelance writer, coach and relationship expert. She is the former Board Chair of Self-Esteem Boston Educational Institute, Inc. and writes a monthly column for the Malden Observer.

Available NOW at Borders, Barnes & Noble Bookstores and most major booksellers!

BUY online at Amazon now!

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Here's How Boot Camp Works

The 3 Phases of Boot Camp:

(1) PHASE ONE: Let’s get you feeling better! This section of the book consists of teaching you to “grieve” the loss of the relationship or the event that just occurred. The book takes you through all the steps involved in the emotions connected with the loss or disappointment involved, and then shows you how to get yourself back on your feet.

(2) PHASE TWO: Let’s figure out why this happened to you. Here the book helps you examine your level of self-esteem which is directly related to your success in life. How you feel about yourself affects your choices throughout your life and this section of the book tells you the important questions to ask yourself and the changes that need to be made to improve yourself and your life.

(3) PHASE THREE: Let’s turn that negative thinking into positive action! Lastly, the book will help you learn what it is that is making you repeat the same mistakes. It teaches you better ways of communicating, behaving and thinking that will change the way you look at yourself and others – thereby allowing you to feel free to set and achieve your goals and dreams!

The Accidental Expert, author, columnist, freelance writer, coach, relationship expert, and former board chair for Self Esteem Boston Educational Institute, Inc.

Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted:

How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love

by Audrey Valeriani named

Award-Winning Finalist in the National Best Books 2008 Awards

in the Self-Help: Relationships category

sponsored by USA Book News

LISTEN to our RADIO AD NOW!

Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy)

in the Jungle of Love offers groundbreaking advice!

Want proof?

Check out this report on Good Morning America

titled "Brightsiding" Through Tough Times

(3/24/09) Good Morning America ran a segment about people who were naturally optimistic; who were “the glass is half full” kind of people.

Songs like “I Will Survive” and “Don’t Worry Be Happy” encourage people to be positive even in tough times.

In Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love, Audrey Valeriani writes “Smile/Laugh: It may sound peculiar, but studies have shown that when we smile, our faces send messages telling our brains that we are alright, and soon we feel better. Laughing also relieves stress and improves our immune system...!”

It seems author Michelle DeAngelis agrees and says that “when we smile our brain lights up… releases chemicals that boost our mood…”

We’re told that even doing something as simple as painting a wall a cheerful color, can boost your mood.

In Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love, Audrey Valeriani writes, “It has been said that colors can also affect our mood and energy levels. One tip the experts say can help us feel better on our “down” days is to choose a great color. If you notice, offices are usually painted in soothing colors with a hint of something bright here and there to spark creativity, while prisons are usually painted beige or gray to keep prisoners subdued and low-key.” Check out Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love for a color chart to see how color corresponds to mood.

GMA also reported that The Gratitude Group is an online poster of things which are appreciated.

In Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love, Audrey Valeriani writes, “Dr. Michael McCollough from the Southern Methodist University in Texas and Dr. Robert Emmons from the University of California conducted the Research Project on Gratitude and Thanksgiving and said that their research indicated that “gratitude plays a significant role in a person's sense of well-being” and not just as it pertains to religion...”

TheAccidentalExpert and GMA agree that in these stressful times, we all need “a break from all the bad news… from the recession blues” so do something that makes you happy!!!

And check out Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted for even more groundbreaking information!

BOOT CAMP FOR THE BROKEN-HEARTED:

HOW TO SURVIVE (AND BE HAPPY) IN THE JUNGLE OF LOVE

as seen in WOMAN'S WORLD MAGAZINE

Audrey Valeriani and Deborah Norville

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New doll aimed at reinforcing girls' self-worth

Posted by Gina Chen July 08, 2008; 11:35AM

A fellow mom passed along this tip. There's a new doll out that aims to help "celebrate high self-esteem," according to a news release for the doll, which is appropriated dubbed "Self Esteem Doll."

It's the brainchild of Audrey Valeriani, board chair of the Self Esteem Institute and author of "Boot Camp for the Brokenhearted."

The dolls come in a variety of skin, hair and eye colors, so that every girl, regardless of ethnicity, can have a doll that looks a little like her. They retail for $15.99.

Girls can customize the dolls with sashes of affirming sayings such as:

1. You rock [insert name]!

2. Here's to you [insert name]!

3. Take Care of Yourself [insert name]!

4. [insert name]

5. High Self Esteem Rocks!

I don't generally endorse products on this blog, and I'm not necessarily endorsing this one. But I'm very interested in the idea of young girls -- and boys -- accepting themselves how they are and not trying to fit the movie star ideal of beauty. I do like the idea that the dolls reflect a variety of races because as a mom of biracial children, I have found it tough -- if not impossible -- to find Asian dolls in Central New York stores.

It's particularly tough on young girls today to accept their bodies when the ideal of beauty they are presented with is impossible for so many of them to achieve. I'm all for being healthy and fit, but even with exercise and a healthy diet, most girls won't come close to looking like the models they see in the media or fitting in the itty-bitty clothes they see in the most popular stores.

Plus there's that awkward stage during puberty when a little girl's body is turning into a woman's, and the result is often hardly the svelte, size 0 girls that age may wish they had. So anything that helps girls accept themselves is good in my book.

Remember how important you are!

Help friends and relatives remember how important they are!

Get your Self Esteem Dolls today!

Click Here: http://www.bootcampforthebrokenhearted.com/order.htm

"Your destiny is not your history!"
~ Camellia M. Johnson

Did you know that your level of self-esteem can influence your potential to exercise and vice versa?

Research done on certain groups of adolescent and adult women proved that “maximal exercise showed acute increases in fatigue and self-esteem, and decreased tension and vigor.”

For those women in the research study who were part of the walking group, they found an increase in self-esteem, but for those women who did not walk, there was evidence of a “significant” decrease in self-esteem. So those that exercised were tired but felt great and less stressed, while those who did not still felt badly about themselves!

These are a few of the topics I discussed with Fitness Guru John Basedow at Book Expo NYC!

John's Book: Fitness Made Simple

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO… what a ride!

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Be Yourself. What Does That Mean?

So often when asking advice on how to make it through a difficult situation, we are told “Just be yourself.” Well, if you’re heading to a job interview or going on a first date, that advice might not be much help. And it’s even worse when you’re young because your self is still developing! We can agree that who we are is made up of our feelings, preferences, beliefs, how we think, and what we like to do, among other things. Since I, myself, have given this advice many times to young, impressionable truth-seekers, I thought it was important to figure out how exactly someone can do this. Here are some questions that I believe can help to uncover a person’s true essence.

What are your beliefs, morals, values? How do you view politics, the economy? Are you religious, spiritual, or do you believe that this is all there is?

Are you concerned about the environment? Do you love nature and animals? Are you concerned about global warming, poverty, and war?

Are you outwardly affectionate toward those you love? Are you involved in the lives of your family and friends? Or are you shy, somewhat of a loner?

What are your favorite foods? Are you health-conscious? How do you feel about chocolate? Are you a sweet or salty person?

Are you eager to try new things? A real party animal? Are you more comfortable people-watching from the sidelines? Or a homebody?

What kind of clothes do you prefer? A t-shirt and Levis? Are you always dressed to the nines, or somewhere in the middle?

Do you find it easy to join a conversation? Do you feel strongly about certain issues and simply have to tell people how you feel? Or do you keep your thoughts and ideas to yourself?

Do you cry at sad movies? Do you love to be scared? Do you hate violent or sexually explicit movies?

Do you enjoy television? Watch the soaps or Lifetime movies? Do you like reality TV or take advice from Dr. Phil?

What kind of music do you like? Do you enjoy easy listening, country boot-tapping, or rocking out?

Are you thirsty for knowledge? Like to read and write? Are you inquisitive? Suspicious?

What are your passions? How do you like to spend your spare time? Do you like sports? The Yankees?!

What makes you get up in the morning? What inspires you? What brings you joy?

What makes you happy and laugh out loud – for that matter, how do you laugh? Do you giggle quietly or really laugh from your belly? In order to tell if you are taking life too seriously, look in the mirror and check the following:

☺ Is your reflection smiling back at you?

☺ Do you see a crazy hairdo and runny makeup?

☺ Is there any type of food on your clothes?

If you answered “no” to these questions, then you gotta loosen up! Now we’ll examine your experiences.

☺ Does aggravating the kids entertain you?

☺ When somebody trips or falls in front of you, do you laugh?

☺ Do you derive pleasure out of playing tricks on people (scaring them, hiding their keys, giving them shocks from the static electricity in the carpet)? If not, then you’re missing out on all the fun!

All of these things (and more) make up who you are. When choosing friends or a mate, it’s easy to put yourself and your needs aside to show others that you care. And when considering a direction in life, it may be difficult to maintain your individuality. But never give up what makes you YOU to try to please someone else or live up to another person’s expectations. I think since the world gives so much credence to the rich and beautiful celebrities, it almost becomes normal to want to emulate those in the spotlight and follow the so-called pop culture icons. But think about this. What if

Isadora Duncan stopped dancing?

Rosa Parks moved to the back of the bus?

Jonas Salk gave up researching?

Lucille Ball suppressed her zany sense of humor?

Oprah ignored her dream of broadcasting?

Elvis stopped gyrating?!

The world would have lost out on greatness! These people were all true to themselves and, as a result, touched the lives of millions of people and many generations. So nurture your talents and embrace who you are! Who knows where your passion and imagination might lead?

The Accidental Expert, author, columnist, freelance writer, coach, relationship expert

Live like each day is a surprise party thrown in your honor!

A personal note from me to you:

DON’T SMOKE!

It's gross! You smell bad! You get wrinkles! You diminish your senses of taste and smell!

Smokers risk damage to almost all major organs in their bodies, according to the latest report by the surgeon general (Health Consequences of Smoking, Surgeon General’s Report). The list of diseases caused by tobacco now includes cancers of the kidneys, stomach, cervix, and pancreas as well as leukemia, cataracts, pneumonia, and gum disease. These illnesses are in addition to diseases previously known to be caused by smoking— bladder, esophageal, laryngeal, lung, oral, and throat cancers, chronic lung diseases, coronary heart and cardiovascular diseases, and sudden infant death syndrome.

Smoking cigarettes with lower machine–measured yields of tar and nicotine does not help. “There is no safe cigarette, whether it is called ‘light,’ ‘ultra–light,’ or any other name,” U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona commented. “The science is clear: the only way to avoid the health hazards of smoking is to quit completely or to never start smoking” (Health and Human Services, Press Release).

Introduction

Cigarettes damage the body--gradually and insidiously--in a number of different ways. Over the years, the American Council on Science and Health and others have documented the effects. One popular argument the scientific community often makes to encourage smokers to quit stems from the conjecture that all of the health effects of smoking are reversible shortly after cessation, regardless of the duration or intensity of the smoking exposure. Unfortunately, this conjecture is not true. Teenagers, in particular, may be overly complacent about smoking because they believe--incorrectly--that they can smoke for a few years and then quit without suffering any long-term effects. This complacency is especially troubling in light of the recent finding, reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) that teen smoking rates have increased by nearly a third within the last six years.

Cigarettes and Public Health

Cigarette smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the United States. It accounts for almost 500,000 deaths per year, or one in every five deaths. Cigarette smoking contributes to a remarkable number of diseases, including coronary heart disease, stroke, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, peripheral vascular disease, peptic ulcer disease, and many types of cancer.

Chemicals in Cigarette Smoke

Here is a partial list of the chemicals in commercially manufactured cigarettes. The first part lists chemicals known to cause cancer, called carcinogens:

Dimethylnitrosamine

Ethylmethylnitrosamine

Nitrosopyrrolidine

Hydrazine

Vinyl Chloride

Urethane

Formaldehyde

Other Toxic Agents:

Carbon Monoxide, Hydrogen Cyanide, Acrolein, Acetadehyde, Nitrogen oxides, Ammonia, Pyridine, Nitric acid, Mathylamine, Hydrogen cyanide, Indole, 3-hydroxypyridine, 3-vinylpyridine, Acetone, Acetonitrile, Acrolein, 1,3-Butadiene, mg, Nitrous acid, isoquioline, Isoamylamine, 3-Cyanopyridine.

This is only a partial list. They put these chemicals in cigarettes to reduce tar while maintaining the level of nicotine necessary to keep them addictive. Keeping the tar down helps to calm people's fears about health risks. Since the companies are free of any supervision they are not compelled to reveal the chemicals they use. But recent breaks in the wall of secrecy have revealed that cigarettes are only about 40% tobacco, and 60% other junk.

So stop it -- you don't look cool, you look ridiculous!

Disclaimer: In no event shall Audrey Valeriani, TheAccidentalExpert.com, Bootcampforthebrokenhearted.com or Bella Donna Books be liable for special, indirect, typical, or resulting damages or any damages of any kind arising from or in connection by way of the use of the advice given in the book, Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love, during coaching consultations or email exchanges, or any materials at all provided at no cost or that are purchased associated in connection with any of the above entities.